What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

I awoke this morning with a full-on cold, congested and coughing, and in a bad mood because tonight is our last show of 2009 @ Arlene’s Grocery;  Just my luck, right?? So, instead of staying home, i decide to go for an early morning ride to clear my head and my lungs, when “18 and life” by skid row comes on the radio. I start to hum along, testing my vocal range carefully; Imagine the shock and horror i experienced when the scream at the end of the chorus comes up, and i can’t hit it?!?! Shit, what do i do??? I felt hopeless and lost. It was then that DIVINE INTERVENTION came and opened my eyes!

In the form of an amazing female figure walking in front of my truck, possibly the greatest i’d ever seen!  As she shouted at me “Hey, don’t you stop at stopsigns  you ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG?!?!” It was then i realized 2 day-changing facts: 1- I couldn’t hit the screams in “18 and life” even when i didn’t have a cold and 2- even the most perfect, angelic creature on the face of the earth does ocassionally need to be scared to death by some asshole, douchebag driver who WILL NOT stop at a stopsign just because she’s amazing!! Lesson to be learned here: Beauty isn’t everything, but if your a pretty girl, you can get away with alot more than if you looked like Hillary Clinton…sometimes! This Homey don’t play that!!

Hope to see you all tonight at Arlene’s Grocery, 95 Stanton st., NYC

Get there by 10pm to check out our friends ‘Stoned fire’ rock the house also, first rounds on us:)